Daily Click

Aug 4, 2017

"But teacher see my hand really small, and my friends are really big hands" - Aishah

Every night before Aishah go to sleep, I will read her a story, either a story that I knew since kid like Cinderella, Rabbit & Turtle or new stories that I managed to read like Rapunzel, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty. Yep true, those are not new, but believe it or not, it is new to me. I never read and know or been storied about those, so when Aishah requested me for those, I had myself to google first, and story her. To make my life easier, I went to book store, bought few book series that combine multiple stories inside, put it next to Aishah's bed. It's not easy to be a mother of Aishah's dream. It is full of dreams. Sometime, my husband took over to be her story teller but I noticed my husband kept repeating the same story of The Rabbit & The Turtle. 

"Papa, you story already"

and he replied;

"No this time rabbit really win" or "no, this story is different". 

Unlike tonight, my husband screwed up everything when Aishah needed a story. He was telling about Spiderman, and Aishah realised that we break the promise to take her for a movie. Actually, I told her last week that we are going for Spiderman Homecoming.  So I continue to read a story of Pinocchio to Aishah but till the end of the story,  she still wide awake. Then I decided to have a "ladies talk" with her. Knowing that her school will resume in less than 2 weeks, I asked about her friends in class. I never expected that she will talk about these matters over (in the video);

She is actually complaining; even though she is 5, she does not look like one. Because of her petite size, among all her friends in class, she is the smallest. She had said;

"But teacher see my hand really small, and my friends are really big hands"

Upon asking why she is small, she said;

"Because I'm not come first"

She wanted to say, that's because she is not born first compared to her other friends. Obviously it is untrue because some of her friends even born later than her. But at least I'm happy to know that my daughter really uses her brain trying her hit to think of the possible reasons even though it is WRONG. Good try sha!

and I told her she has to eat more, so that she will be big as her friends. You know what she replied to me?;

"It's because you eat less food, you have to eat more" - Me

"But it's not working!" - Aishah

Hahahahahahahaha. Are you trying to say you have eaten a lot sha? and still you not big? So big brain lah you sha.

"I eat nasik" "I dont like vegetable" 

"Because I like only Lemon, Strawberry and Mango!"

Erk, what the hell you said lemon sha? I never seen you eat lemon in your whole life, how come it's become your favorite. See, my daughter really have high confidence level! Mommy is proud!
Wait wait, there's more of our chit chat guys, read it ahead!

"Salad is not my favorite, I don't want to eat salad!"

"I eat only potato sauce"  

hah? what is potato sauce you talking about sha? hahahah. She is talking about KFC mash potato actually! LOL.

And last part is actually about her lunch box to school. Most of her school day, we packed her with spagethi bolognese, macaroni mushroom soup and sometime maggi goreng. Yes sometimes we packed her "nasi putih + telur rebus + kicap". She does not eat nasi goreng enw. I always short of idea on what menu Aishah can take to school, because she only take the bait to certain foods, so to be safe just pack her with pasta, easy! And easy as well because my husband can cook too, that's why Aishah said;

"You two are delicious"

Thanks sha for turning my hectic day to a blissful one! So, one more story for you tonight, Rapunzel!

It just the normal conversation I had with my little girl. I'm totally blessed and grateful that finally she can really talk and express her opinion in her own way. To tell all of you who might not aware about this fact, Aishah can really talk well at the age of four. She was a quite slow talker until she reached four. Nothing we did, it is a matter of time. 

And what we plan for Aishah is nothing, but if I can, I want her to actually know how to express the opinion and talk about it.  I really hope that she will be my forever life partner and best friend. It should go beyond mother-daughter relationship. I remember how big the gap between me and my mother last time, we never talked over personal matters and when it happened, I can say the loves among us also almost faded away. I don't want it to happen between me and my daughter, I want her to know, if her life, outside are gloomy, friends seems not too attentive, at least she has me to comfort her, to render her the full loves forever.

*Full video of our conversation. It's dark because yeah, it's dark!😂

Till then,


Jun 21, 2017

Reminiscing the old days: Of being poor and ugly

While tangling to go back for Raya celebration either on Friday or Saturday, it reminisce me to my old ugly times when I was a kid. I once been a very ugly and poor. But who knows, of being ugly and poor, I used to be a very hyperactive girl, a very happy go lucky girl. My friends were always happy with me, because I laughed all the times, and yes, it was a loud laugh and ofkos it's so annoyed! Looking back on those moments, I noticed that I'm no longer like that. As we grew older, facing with many life problems even though we are no more ugly and poor, it doesn't make us smile and laugh all the times. How times flies, I miss the old me. The happy go lucky one. 

I remember last time, when I was 8 years old, I worked very hard after school to earn money to buy some groceries, to pay my school fees, and to buy me some new clothes. I always been an arrogant type of girl. I'm poor, I'm not beautiful but I always acted like I'm a daughter of tokey. I knew that my family is poor, but I pretended like I'm not. So what I did, I worked to earn money at the age of 8. I helped my grandmother to collect the rubber scrap and she paid me with RM5. Last time RM5 was considered big amount already. I can buy budu (RM0.70), 5 eggs (RM1.00), dried fish (RM2) and can use them for 3 - 4 times of eating. Kangkung is free at the back of my old house. Sometimes, the excitement to eat fresh fish like Kembung, Selar Kuning is already like eating a lobster. I miss those time. Now I can afford to eat many things even shark fin, but still I'm not laughing like I used to. 

I always envied my friend whose their parent is a police, teacher, soldier, nurse because they lived in a house where they have bathroom inside. My bathroom is 300m from my house, had to go down the small hill to go to the well. I used to be an early riser as early as 5 in the morning because I liked to go school. Every year I'd received an award for full attendance to school. I even went to school without money and I never care as long as I could go to school. To go to the well at 5 o'clock in the morning alone in the dark, and I never feel so scared. No one could scare me with the ghost story until one day, I found something floated on in the well, and I ran like hell. And the disgusting part is, it was the old wood from the tree. Ghosssh...Now I lived in a house where I have bathroom even in my bedroom and I always scared if my husband is not around especially at night. See, how times changed me. 

During Raya, I always excited to wait for the day to come. In fact, I don't have new baju to wear sometimes. If my parent had extra money, then a night before hari raya, they would buy me baju raya (based on credit term - balance to be paid later). I thank them for that at least. So on Hari Raya, I will walk like a model, went to my grandmother house where all my uncle and aunty were there for Hari Raya. I'm talking about my mother's side. I know on Hari Raya they will give me duit raya . Later at noon on hari raya, I would never go away from grandmother because I knew that she will visit her friend's house and I should follow her, so that I can collect more duit raya. Actually, I'm the most loved granddaughter compared to other cucu(s). My grandmother will always take me everywhere she goes and that would be the peak time for me to double up my duit raya. Normally my cousin can collect up to RM15 the most of duit raya, but not me. At the night of hari raya, I will count my duit raya and normally I will have about RM60-100. That was the best luck of mine when comes to Hari Raya. The money will be kept by my mother until the school resume. Last time, Hari Raya always fall during school holiday. So I'll use the money I get during Hari Raya for my school uniform and school fees. Sometimes, the money gone without me buying anything for school uniform/fees.😔 That's why now, I loved to give people duit raya even though I don't know them especially poorer kids. I know their feelings and the excitement of receiving the money. I'd been there, I can feel them. 

I used to follow my grandmother either near or far. I used to go for jalan-jalan especially if I get the chance to get in the car. I feel like I'm so rich to have a car ride. If I managed to go to Pasar Tanah Merah, it was considered far already. Not to mention if I can go to KL. I feel like I'm already in Paris. Who knows, in my life I've been to Europe twice using my own money Alhamdulillah. I never regret for my past life, all are the lesson for me to work harder. 

During Form 1- 5, I used to worked at my former teacher who are selling the traditional massage oils and capsules. He would pay me for about RM20-RM25 per week. I could buy my clothes, my sibling's clothes and ofkos groceries. To get the chance to eat chicken was already a fortune to me. I'd buy chicken with the money I earned, so that my siblings can also eat chicken. Once in a month to eat chicken was considered wealthy. haha. I thanked Allah for always bestowed me with his abundance of rezeki. Even until today, He never missed to grant me with everything. When I studied in university, I worked partime at Time Square at the restaurant. I could earn for about RM400-RM500 per month. It was enough already for me to buy clothes, bag, go for a movie, eat pizza, Mc'donald, KFC and other things that most of the youngsters had. I never showed to my friend that I'm from poor family. There is no reason to tell them, not for a sympathy at all. I don't like people thinks I'm bad for being poor. I don't want my friend to get the trouble while with me. That's why I worked, earned money myself. I hate people who are poor and let the luck determines their life. I hate lazy people. Because I'm not lazy. I did many things to improve my life from zero to what I have now. At school, teachers were actually impressed with me, because I could manage my study even though I'm totally poor. I didn't have money with me at school, but I remember my late teacher Cikgu Rohaiza always treated me for meal. I miss you Cikgu Rohaiza. How I wish you can see me now, and see what I have achieved so far. Everything is because of your support. Al-Fatihah. Sometimes, I earned money for folding clothes of canteen staff's after school and she'd paid me RM6. That's more than enough for meal for 3 days at school. 

How I miss my lousy times when I was a school student, yet my friends enjoyed to be my friend. I miss Ayu so much. She is the friend who knew everything about my life. From zero to everything. She is a friend that I could ask help. I always admired her for her outfit to school. She was so fashionable to me. Everything she wore become my aim to own as well, be it sport pants, tudung bawal, school shoe etc. I was quite clumsy at school too. I never care if my tudung dirty, crumple and ever torn. As long as I can be at school. I liked school for many reasons which I don't know how to explain. I remember I joined the motivational camp at school and I was so excited to sleep on the double-decker bed. I stand up on the bed excitedly and my head swung by the fan. The late Cikgu Rohaiza took me to the hospital and I discover after the incidence, I become a bit intelligent and clever. Hahahaha.You may laugh too, but it's true. After the incidence, I never get other than No. 1&2 in class until SPM. I was a best student at my school for best SPM achiever. Alhamdulillah!

I was an ugly girl last time. I didn't have nice clothes to wear. I washed my face with shower soap last time and shampooed my hair with it too. I tried to find some picture of mine to paste in here, but none. I think I had threw them all. hahahhaha. I'm not saying I'm beautiful now, but yes, my husband said I'm beautiful. If I'm still the old me, he would never marry me. hahaha. For whatever it is, I think Allah had blessed me all these while. All my prayers are heard.😊

My house last time was so miserable. No room to sleep.  No kitchen. No bathroom. All we had are square room to do all cooking, sleep and chilling (erk, chilling??????) while I have 12 siblings. kah kah kah kah. We didnt have TV until I reached 14 years old. The excitement of first time having TV at home is like I have cinema at home. No one would want to stay away from the TV even during ads. Now, Astro also such a boring entertainment. We don't have toilet at home. It is 300 metres from our house and it is not a proper toilet, enough to have a big kain to cover the whole toilet and anyone can come in the toilet while you are inside (jerk), and not to tell you when you poop, you realized that water in the pail is out. You have to go out, fill in the pail (while you have not washed your poo yet). I hate those!

Rumah Aishah, jika Allah izinkan #secondhouse

For whatever it was, I thank Allah for every hardship tested on me. It made me to even grow bigger and stronger. I thank Allah for everything He had given me today. For every ease that He had given me too. I think it is about time for me to surrender myself to Him, to always know that the ultimate life for me to chase is Akhirat. It is time for me to remember that Allah is the only one behind my success. 

One thing is clear, for the whole life I had, I had been quite outspoken. I never kept things in my head if I found something is not right. I would simply tell people frankly. I don't like to talk behind people's back. So, to those who is new to me, please take note on this. I have my own stands in order to be the original me. I don't like liar no matter who you are to me. Because liar doesn't deserve me. I have been living with this stands since before.

Thanks for reading, 
Menulis suka-suka sahaja while I still can,
Menulis supaya Aishah & Akif can read this later.
I will never put my kids in trouble,
I will give the best as I can to them,
They will have toilet in their bedroom,
They will eat chicken too!


Jun 17, 2017

Teaching Aishah English: 5 ways!

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,
Second entry in the month of Ramadhan and I think I have to respond to some of my friends who have been asking me how do I train Aishah (my 5yo daughter) to speak all English. Don't get me wrong friends, Aishah is not speaking 100% like British, but I can say, she can talk in English. It was not the aim to train her to speak like British or American. To me, as long as she can speak and understand in different language, it's already something good for her. I'm neither training her to be a debate speaker or whatever. I just want her to be like other kids who can speak English. What I did is not big anyway, it was just simple training and practices. Knowing that me also is not that good in English, so what I can do best is to train according to my ability.

1) Familiar her with English since the first day she was born

Since Aishah was first born (Feb, 2012) I already determined to converse in English with her. I spoke English for every important term, and it continues. How did it works? At the time, when I mention English term/word, she already understand. Example, "pillow", "eat", "drink", "milk", "food", "look", "smile", "yes", "no", "hold", "take", "put", "go", "come", "faster", "hurry" and all the daily words we used in our conversation. She couldn't speak just yet at the time, but for the first start, she already understand the words. It has to be continued everyday, don't ever stop. Because practice for perfection needs to be consistent and ongoing. 

2) Train her to speak only English

Yeah, it sounds arrogant, but I did. I asked my husband to only speak English when with her. Because my aim was clear, Aishah has to speak English. Everywhere we go, be it shopping mall, restaurant, field, playground park, visiting friends and relatives, my practice was speaking in English. I don't mind if people heard me speak very "broken English" or it sounds like very Malay English (without British accent)  because my aim was clear, to teach Aishah speak English. Who cares with the accent isn't? When in shopping mall, it's common if you see parents nowadays are speaking English with the kids. Some were in perfect English and some were in very simple English. To me, I see the changes in our parent's society nowadays. Everybody knows that English is important, very essential language for our kids to survive in the future. We lived in the new era which is different with our last times. Our times, kids don't speak English. Today is another era, where every small kids speaking English. So I think Aishah should be in the league too, while her parent is actually capable of training her. 

The latest video where Aishah was mad at "Boss Baby" for being naughty. She said she doesn't like boss baby anymore, she likes her brother. she also mad at "Boss Baby" for eating her ice-cream strawberry. She said she will tell "Boss Baby's brother" too. So dramatic!

 3) Don't be shy when you make grammatical mistake

To mom out there, don't feel shy to speak English with your kids, ignore all the grammatical mistakes, no one going to vet us. Be confident! Ignore those people who looking at you weirdly because you speak English with your kids. You know why? Because they will not be responsible if your kids cannot speak. I used to make grammatical mistake when talking to my kids. Example "Aishah I'll bring you to the dentist". Ofkos it was wrong, I supposed to say "Aishah, I'll take you to the dentist". But I don't care, later I can change as long as she understand that I wanted to take her to see the dentist. 

4) Get your spouse to join you

Actually, the key point is  consistency and full support from the people surrounding. Some of you may already train kids speak English when at home, but when at school, teachers speak bahasa. So when your kids get home, you will be surprised that they are no longer practice English that you have trained them to. Don't blame the teachers. We are not living in English speaking environment. We have to consistently tell them to always practice. Aishah does speak in bahasa too sometimes. Surely lah, as she is Melayu. She has to know her mother tounge. It just when I heard she shows no sense of speaking English, I will remind her especially when she is talking to her brother. The truth is, when your kids know English, they will speak when they think they need to. Don't force, they know the perfect time. Normally, my husband is hard to speak English with Aishah too. I need to remind him many times, "please speak english with her, otherwise my efforts all these while are all vain". Either father or mother, we have to be istiqamah orang kata, consistent all the way, then your kids can survive. Belasah lah kalau salah pun, nak ajar bercakap jer pun, bukan nak ajar masuk debate pun lagi.

5) Sometimes, kids learn themselves through video!

Don't deny when I say kids learn English perfectly from the video they have watched. Don't you notice? I have to agree that Aishah is practicing her pronunciation  from the Youtube video a lot. I heard Aishah say the word "smile" with "smayel". Normally, we say "smail" right? Same thing to "crocodile", Aishah pronounced it as "krokodayel". She learned it  through video. I don't use accent too much with Aishah. It's unnecessary to me. But the point here is, video helps them understand and speak better. Your kids can be a good story teller though! Let them be, but put certain limit as attached with the gadgets for long time may harm their health too. 


Mummy Aishah!

May 28, 2017

Tips untuk "survive" dengan bahagia di pejabat


Sejak kebelakangan ni, rasa tidak seronok berada di pejabat agak menganggu fikiran dan minda yang sangat mendalam. Setelah membaca beberapa artikel, buku dan bahan bacaan blog lain, rasanya memang betul kita perlu menjadi manusia yang sentiasa positif, maksudnya dalam semua perkara walau baik walau buruk, fikirlah secara positif. Selalunya orang kata, jadi positif ni sebenarnya sebab kita nak sedapkan hati. Sesungguhnya bukan begitu, jadi positif ni akan bawa kita ke aura yang lebih baik dan lebih tenang. Antara beberapa tips yang menarik minat saya untuk berkongsi adalah; 

1) Jangan Sensitif

Kita ni sebenarnya bila ada benda-benda yang agak tak favor kita, tak menyebelahi kita, kita akan rasa sedih, down, putus asa, benci, dendam, marah dan macam2 lagi. That's because we are too sensitive and all the bad things will touch us harshly. Orang yang sensitif ni adalah orang yang jiwanya penuh dengan kasih sayang, pemurah dan baik hati. Oleh sebab itu, bila ada perkara yang mengacau jiwanya, dia mula merasakan orang sekeliling tidak peduli tentang dirinya. Jadi bagi orang-orang yang sebegini termasuklah saya, be positive, mungkin ada masa Allah tak janjikan yang baik-baik untuk kita mungkin kerana Allah ada perancangan yang lebih baik untuk kita di masa depan. Apa pun yang berlaku, berlapang dada dan ingat, Allah itu ada. 

2) Wujudkan "small circle of friends"

Kan orang pernah kata, kualiti lebih penting dari kuantiti. It will apply in many situations termasuklah situasi bila kita di pejabat. Cari kawan yang betul-betul mahu berkawan dengan kita. Kawan yang baik ni sebenarnya bukanlah kawan rapat yang tahu semua benda pasal kita, keluarga kita, masalah kita, harta kita dan semuanya tentang kita. Kawan yang baik ni datang dari sudut yang jauh, mungkin dia kawan yang hanya ber "hi" dengan kita. Ataupun kawan yang hanya mahu join potluck sahaja, tetapi boleh bergaul mesra dengan kita. The reason kenapa kita perlu hanya kawan yang "suam-suam kuku" macam ni adalah kerana ia mampu mengelakkan kita berbicara tentang orang lain, erti kata lain "mengumpat", dia mampu mengelakkan kita dari membuang masa kerana terlalu banyak bicara yang tidak penting semasa waktu pejabat, dia juga mampu mengelakkan kita dari sikap berpuak-puak kerana to this kind of people, we don't have "gang". Everyone in the office is a friend, not a foe. Jadi walaupun kita tiada gang, tiada close friends  but we have someone called a friend. Friend is not someone that we will eventually fight and break!

3) Wujudkan jadual kerja yang teratur

Untuk bahagia ni, kena banyak berdisiplin. Biasanya kita akan kelam kabut siapkan kerja dan merasakan setiap hari, waktu kerja kita tidak cukup. Ini kerana ada kala waktu bekerja kita, kita banyak spend untuk buat benda lain yang bukan kerja hakiki. Kadang2 kita buang masa kerja kita dengan keluar makan pagi, tengahari, hi-tea lebih dari waktu bekerja. Jadi, wujudkan satu jadual kerja yang baik, walaupun kerja kita flexible supaya kita tahu output kerja setiap hari. Saya pun sama la yang ni, kena banyak istiqamah dan berdisiplin. Actually, I did this tips recently, and yes it works. At the end, kita akan rasa "wow, its so relief"!

4) Follow the flow

Yang ni payah sikit sebenarnya nak ikut, sebab kita rasa pendapat kita ni berbeza-beza dengan orang sekeliling kita. Kita akan cuba suarakan sesuatu yang kita rasa tidak betul dan at the end akan ada orang yang tidak menyukai pandangan kita (bukan diri kita ya). Ambil langkah yang positif, cuba fahamkan kenapa pendapat kita tidak didengari, dan cuba fahamkan the positive side dari pandangan yang kita rasa tidak betul. Orang tidak akan menyuarakan pendapat jika ianya sia-sia. Itulah key point nya. Dan dari situ, kita cadangkan sesuatu yang baik atau sesuatu yang boleh ditambah baik supaya organisasi kita lebih berkembang maju dan harmoni.

5) Kawal Emosi

Kawal emosi juga sesuatu yang sukar especially orang muda. Orang muda lebih agresif selalunya dan sifat marah tu dah jadi macam sebati dalam diri. Jadi, jika ada sesuatu yang mendatangkan kemarahan dalam diri kita, bersabarlah, Allah ada disisi kita. Tiada guna untuk melontarkan kata-kata nista sehinggakan satu pejabat tahu kerana ia akan mengeruhkan lagi keadaan. Selalunya kita akan marah sebab orang yang buat kita, jadi untuk tunjuk ketidakpuasan hati, kita bertindak dengan lebih agresif dan bila terjadinya kekeruhan, nama kita jugak yang buruk sebab orang akan menganggap kita yang memulakan pergaduhan tersebut. It happened to me many times when I was 26-27 last time. So lesson learned, be positive, be happy. Bila kita bijak mengawal emosi, people who hurt us feel double than our hurtful feelings. Orang yang bijak mengawal emosi adalah orang yang menang!


Menulis dari hati, semoga Allah datangkan yang baik-baik sahaja pada kita sepanjang waktu kita mencari rezeki. Kerana rezeki itu dari Allah.

Salam Ramadhan Kareem semua!


May 6, 2017

So, yeah it has ended, betrayal!

Nobody gets along with everyone. We've all got stories of friends who stabbed us in the back, marred us at every turn, and generally made our lives miserable. 

Truth is, it effortlessly happened when the trust-breaker is our closed friends. You know why? Because all our stories, dreams, and life goals are in their keep. It will never get along forever with you. Trust me, it wouldn't. 

I used to have closed friend who I think I had picked her up as my bff or whatever term to describe the togetherness, the sweetness and what not (which I hate saying it now).  I compromised to our friendship. I put myself in her mode every time yet positively claimed "I like you for whoever you are, you have your own identity, nobody resembles you". Looking back on it, I absolutely felt so foolish.
I never  talked bad about her, always encourage her to achieve what she said she wanted to be and so on. To some situation, I put myself like a stupid one just to follow her rhythm and still I never talked bad about her. Not even once to everybody. It is not that she is 100% perfect, but why should I break the trusted relationship for simple matters? There how I'd value the friendship.

But until today, it is no longer at the phase. I want to say full stop.

Some people really changed. For a small power they have, they may harm you. Why they need to care about you? For the power they have, they can expense you for her own reason. Only God knows the reason.  

I would like to tell you a conversation with my daughter, Aishah;

Me: Sha, why you didn't do pledge this morning at school? 
Aishah: No, teacher was not asking me to do so. It's Hanani's turn today.

So, her reason was; it is not her turn.

Next day, I asked her again;

Me: Sha, so today you did pledge at school?
Aishah: No, it was Noah.

So, her reason again was; it is not her turn.

See, kids never lied
But for my betrayal friend case;

She lied to me with two contradicting reasons. Unlike Aishah's story, first and second reason was still the SAME because she was pure and ofkos for whatever happened in our life, when we cannot make up thing, there is an absolute reason and it should be only a concrete one. Because we are trying not to screw up things or even make a complicated one to explain. But she lied to me, she came up with two contradicting reasons in different days. For whatever reason that only she knows, Allah knows too.

But to clear things up as she is in trouble caught, so, the best solution she could do was making a story up to the master, saying, "no it was not my intention to betray her, i was considering her busy schedule, that's why i decline her name to be the examiner bla bla bla" and the story ends with her happy ending.

If you are exercising professionalism at work, why don't you come and talk to me, or at least text meThat was what you supposed to do if you really trying not to betray me or if you are committed to our friendship. So what you did? You ruined it, gave me a real stupid lie and you denied?

Yes true when you said, I'm at my own level. Because of "I'm at my own level", you did this to me. You are actually picturing me how envy you are with my achievement(s), and you were actually unhappy with my success. Deep in your heart, it clearly seen that you are unhappy of everything I have achieved. Stop lying to me, I smelled enough. 

And remember, you should know this, no matter to whom you going to spread about this matter, I had lived my life in the past with so many hurdles be it family matters or career related matters. I could handle all those and this is nothing to me. I think you knew me better, you could read my mind better as well. If I can be the nicest one to you before, I can be the nastiest one to you too. 

But no, I wouldn't be one as it was in 2013. Like I said, I have grown up this far, so I'll let you have live and step out happily but I want you to read this last message repeatedly "I'll keep chasing my dreams until you can't even find my shadow to follow, I'll leave you behind until you can't even reach close to my level, I'll live my life until you can't even step into my frontier". 

You once said, : "kadangkala kamu sukar bernafas kerana terlalu laju berlari untuk mengejar yang terbaik utk diri kamu". I have to keep running at the phase to develop my career. I'll not run at the same phase anymore if I'm old. This is the perfect time to do my fast running.

Thanks for being royal friend, laughing friend, hipster friend to me all these while. Now the memories faded away, I have deleted it all empty. I want to finish it and I'll never pray for you in my prayers. Because you are no longer in my friend's list. For whatever words you want to admit as it was your fault, chance for betrayal is none. Deserve it not! I'm glad that I'm at my own level now!

I'm a happy one now!

Apr 28, 2017

It's time to wrap up my PhD Journey

I was 27 the time i registered my PhD study. The aim was clear that time; to get my doctorate by the age of 30. I've always been an ambitious type of person. I never live my life without dreaming. Every second of my time is about dreaming to be everything and anything that is possible.

I started my PhD with Aishah was 6 months old

Anyway, dream has always be a dream. Who am i to hundred percent guarantee for all my dreams to come true. I finished my PhD at the age of 31. Exactly 31, as my viva date was on my birthday (22/12/2016).

I started my PhD on September 2012 (a year after i finished my master degree). First thing i did was to contact the potential supervisor for my PhD study. Upon the approval of the potential supervisor, I proceed with the study application. I had to agree to manage time between working as a full time lecturer and also as a part time student. I knew it was impossible for me to get study leave from the dean as i was considered as new lecturer and ofkos, the senior will have the chance first. So, I had decided, while the study momentum is still there, I shouldn't waste my time. That was the first reason why I started my PhD. 

2013 presented my PhD research idea

It was totally burdensome actually to manage time between teaching, administrative works, taking care of the child and family, taking care of the family and siblings matters, and to look after my business while doing PhD. But there was no ways for me to quit and even thinking to defer my study. I never did things halfway in my life, so I continued. With the bless of Allah, everything will be easy insyaAllah. That's the only strength I held with me that time.  

During the first year of study, the study progress was not properly managed. I was busy organizing International Conference on Business Innovation, Entrepreneurship and Engineering (ICOBIEE2013) held on December 2013. I was the conference director. I had spent time to take care of the conference. Early 2014, after so many disgrace happened to me for the conference held, I was determined to focus on my PhD study. I was thinking that nothing I can do to improvise myself except doing something that can give credit to myself personally. I put an effort like hell for the conference, but still being humiliated by some people for their own reasons. 
Thanks God for the event, at least I back to track to further progress my study. So, in July 2014, I have defended my research proposal and passed with minor correction. The proposed PhD research was actually different to my finalized thesis for some reasons. I have to change my research method, following my supervisor's advice and I had ignored the survey instrument, the first method that I wanted to do earlier. I never did research based on survey instrument in my life, but I didn't know why I came up with such during the defense proposal. So in end of 2014, I started collecting my full data from the annual report. I took about 6 months to have all data complete with the helps of my PhD colleague Ameen and Dr Hassan. 

The notification of the proposal defense
I was very fortunate to have research environment surrounded with knowledgeable experts within my research area and the first expert that I'm referring to is actually my first supervisor, Prof Dr Wan Nordin Wan Hussin. Without him in UUM, I don't think I'll ended up there for the past 4 years. I knew that he used to be a very meticulous type of person but I need that type of person to ensure my thesis goes well. True when people once said, you can't struggle your PhD journey alone. You need people who can support you and research wise,again I'm lucky to have Dr. Hani, Ameen, Dr Hassan, Dr Intan and Dr Wan Sallha who have helped me a lot in terms of statistical analysis, and data shared. Thanks Allah, my PhD journey was easy and smooth. I don't think my PhD was a trouble and difficult one for me. Allah has helped me a lot throughout the journey which sometimes, I never believed that I had survived my highest degree. I remember when I did may master, I was telling my husband, if I finished my master, I would want to jump high to the sky, and now Allah has blessed me with PhD degree (I don't jump at all). Alhamdulillah. Among many despairs happened especially dealing with family matters, there is a blessing in disguise. During my PhD study, I have 3 brothers in prison, my parent divorce, I have to take care of my two brothers who are staying with (Form 5 & 3) and have to visit and revisit them in prison to let them know, I will never leave them apart. Never in my life.

In May 2015, I delivered my second baby - Wan Khalish Akif. Glad that I have done with data collection before the delivery date.

Among the PhD posts to my fb in 2014

In March 2016, I have attended British Accounting and Finance Association (BAFA) Conference in Bath, United Kingdom. This conference is among the well known accounting conference held annually around UK and I have the opinion that all accounting PhD students should take the opportunity to attend to the conference, submit your research paper, and get many insightful inputs to further improvise our research. I did and yes, out of attending the conference, my thesis again extended to better one. I was fortunate again to be able to join and presented my research paper there. Back from the conference, I discussed with my supervisors and added moderating variable which I never did in my research life. That was the difficult time for me (actually not so difficult) and Allah never go away from me, He brought Dr Intan and Dr Wan Sallha to guide me about the moderating variable. Ahamdullilah, everything was clear and my finalized thesis was almost done for final review. Ofkos there are some technical things to be revised to my thesis, but it was minor. 

Prof Dr Wan has been so helpful to me throughout my study. To tell you the truth, I had meeting with him almost every week since 2014. If not every week, at least once in two weeks. Lucky I'm not working on Sunday, so I can go to UUM without taking any day off. But towards the end of my study, I used to go to UUM during weekdays as well (only during my off-class time). I like the tune that we meet often, so that my thesis will not be a frozen one. I'd like to advise, those who are still struggling with your PhD, meet your supervisor as often as you can. Otherwise, you'll be doing nothing and at the end of the day, you will realise that your research doesn't progress much. Supervisor who are honestly supervise you, want to do research with you excitedly, they will not giving you many excuses to meet them, because they are excited about our research. My supervisor is one type and again, Thanks Allah. Actually, there are many outstanding quality about Prof Dr Wan and another one is about his English proficiency. I think we, young generation has to agree that senior professors really have good English proficiency. I have to admit even though I was from IIUM (bachelor + master), my English is far from proficiency's perfection. So proofreading was the alternative, yet Prof Dr Wan do proofread my thesis especially Chapter 1, 2 & 3 and I was totally impressed with the finalized one. He once said, make people impress with the beginning story, make them interested to further read our thesis, and who disagree isn't?

So, August 2016, I submitted my finalized thesis for PhD viva-voce and on 22 December 2016 (it was about 4 years 3 months duration, to me it's an achievement for part timer), I have passed defended my thesis with minor correction and, my thesis has been approved by the university senate to qualify me as official Dr Siti Norwahida binti Shukeri. All praises be to Allah.

viva day 22/12/2016

After all, no words can be voiced to my husband who are always with me in ups and downs time. He is the one who encouraged me to register my PhD. He is the one who look after my two kids (Aishah + Akif) while I'm busy progressing my study, meeting with supervisor and attended conference and seminars. He is my total strength and without him, no PhD for me. Thanks Allah for giving me such a wonderful husband which no one can replace him to be who he is, Dr Wan Mohd Khairy Adly. 

Dr. Wahida

Mar 31, 2017

We laugh at our hardest time; because we are bestfriend!

True that people often say a best friend is someone who makes you laugh even in your darkest time. No matter how bad your day is, true friend is someone who'll always besides even when you think you’ll never smile again, she will always stand by your side. 

After a long time, I managed to have a long hang out with my old friend, who has been staying far from me and now come back for good to our motherland. Far doesn't mean that we were silent to get to know each other's daily life. We did, I mean she did, so I.  I knew what had happened to her at a distance and glad that yeah, she is still lovely, lively, and be all smiles! We anyway talked over everything today!

You know what, people who know us through Instagram or Facebook are actually no idea of how we live our life and this is real. Don't you? You may judge how content my life just because I share about my kids, my success, my social life proudly on my media social account. The truth is, among them also hidden a lot of awful sides which sometimes it is being shared and sometimes it is being kept confidential. Due to it, people may misjudge me. After all, I'm proud that I still have friend who put trust on me and doesn't have a gut to even betray me, not even once. 

I love the way we handle our friendship. We met in 2010 for a photography outing and that was our first meeting. We shared same hobby, to together being an amateur photographer, tried hard on our EOS1000D with 50mm lens F1.8 and were extremely busy to arrogantly share our skilled output to fb. Until today, we still do but none of us bother about our bulky camera as we have phone camera to even have better pictures than before. I don't think we have ample times to transfer and do Photoshop to our picture as to what we used to do in our ancient time. No, we won't! We are so proud to say that we are an iphonegrapher anyway!

As time past, she completed her first degree and flew to Melbourne for her Master Degree and there our friendship went. Nothing likes hang out but we do shared everything sometimes over our media social account. I liked her ig posts and she did same way. We liked for the arts value, not for the picture per say. By the way, I can say that we don't need to be hang out with our friend everyday, because as far as we can have the distance, it will make our friendship even stronger.

She in her own way, never failed to express admiration towards me, my achievement and so on especially during my birthday (and even today). I appreciate that and hoping that Allah will rewards me (if it is true) for giving people so much inspiration and positive vibes. Yes, many of my good friends like me because they claimed that I inspire them in many ways and no matter how true or not it is, I hope that we especially women will choose our own life motivation, be it from people around or someone who most of people admire like Nelson Mendela perhaps. You can choose anyone to admire as long as it provides you life happiness. But be prudent to not simply trust people who say they admire you. Some of them are giving you a real lie. They just want to fool you!

Part of it, the conversation lasted long over life's partner and its relationship. You know, it ain't easy to simply build a relationship based on sympathy. You can't be a true liar for the rest of your life. I told her, you have to ask yourself, do you like the person wholeheartedly? Or you might consider to dump the person because you don't like her/him. Why force? In marriage specifically, we need someone who loves us more than we do, but avoid the clingy one. Anyway, I hope she likes the one that I proposed her to be serious with (lol). 

After all, both of us actually is living with our own life problem but in different ways. We shared everything from heart to heart and I liked when she said what adulthood has done to us. We have grown up so far! Love You Anna! I see new you with even powerful confidence level. I see you in better intelligent tone and speak! Do great for your future as the potential is already in you!


Feb 22, 2017

5 Tahun 2 Bulan: No more glass window, no more 20 minutes phone call

Finally, the day has come for me to write the entry which I have been waited for so long. To hear the news that my brother is now released from Songkhla Prison, nothing that I can say except no more painful feeling of waiting. 

Januari 2012 
Mendengar perkhabaran yang adik aku (Azra) ditahan polis Thailand kerana menyeberang Sungai Golok tanpa passport dan memiliki pil kuda sebanyak 3 biji bersama kawannya. He was 18 y.o pada masa tersebut. I was pregnant my first baby (Aishah). Nothing that we can do to help my brother released selain daripada pergi melawat dia, beli dan hantar makanan, beli peralatan mandi and all we can do is crying to die, praying to Allah, "Allah, let him out from the prison". And he at that time kept saying that he doesn't want to stay there. I feel him, who want isn't? Bilamasa terjadi kejadian macam tu, mula lah ada yang menangguk di air yang keruh, offering helps, akan cari lawyer untuk kami dan sebagainya. I gave large amount of money to my father to pass to them for the lawyer fees kononnya, and we were cheated and all the money gone. I don't want to story in detail here, sekadar untuk highlight yang kami berusaha untuk bebaskan Azra. Cukup setakat tu yang termampu, kami redha dan kami dalam fasa untuk menenangkan dia pada masa itu. Kami risau will he be okay there? Orang baik ke orang jahat kat dalam tu, orang buli dia ke, orang tumbuk dia ke nanti dan macam2. Because knowing him, dia bukan jenis bergaduh bertumbuk dengan orang. My brother is a nice guy (whatever you want to say, kalau baik kenapa masuk penjara, for me he is nice, he is polite, never fought with anyone in his life). 

February to September 2012
Hukuman dijatuhkan pada kali pertama, dia dikenakan dua pertuduhan (1) Masuk tanpa passport (2) Memiliki dan menyeludup dadah dari negara luar. The sentence was for 25 years in prison. Rayuan dibuat, kali kedua hukuman dijatuhkan, reduced to 12 years 9 months. Ya, lama but like I said, nothing much we can do. Kami dalam fasa menenangkan dan make a promise, will visit him regularly. Masa tu, dia dipenjarakan di Narathiwat, Thailand. Selepas dua tahun di Narathiwat, dia dipindahkan ke Songkhla Prison, Thailand. Pada aku, ada hikmah nya sebab dekat dengan Perlis. I can go and visit him as often as we can. Kalau Narathiwat, jauh sangat dengan kami di Perlis. 

2014 - 2016
Macam selalunya, aku dengan suami (kadang2 bawak Aishah) pergi melawat dia di Songkhla. Dua bulan sekali kami pergi melawat dia. Kadang2 terlebih jugak sampai 3 bulan baru g tengok dia kalau kami terlalu sibuk atau ada masalah lain. Tahun lepas ada jugak aku g tanya kat pejabat penjara tu, date release dia bila, dengan harapan date tu bertukar, jadi cepat ke apa. Tapi still, date yang aku dapat 13 September 2024. Every time visiting him, I will buy him few groceries yang dijual kat dalam tu, dengan tinggalkan some cash untuk dia beli apa2 kat dalam. I hate when talking to him via phone through the glass window, it was so painful, with a very old phone that you can't really hear him speak, and you have to pretend like you know and hear everything he talked. In fact, i wasn't but i don't want to make him feel guilty, i smiled all the way, i listened everything he talked to me. He storied about his friends there, some of them are Malaysian. He storied that people in the prison died because of TB, no proper medication. He used to jog every evening, to allow his body sweat, so that he will not be sick. Was that painful? I hate those moments. My heart cried for the past 5 years, and that was the time i realized that Allah always with me. I prayed in every prayers, "Allah, please release my brother, he was innocent. Enough for him to get some lessons, please let my brother out from the prison". Every second in my life, even when I'm walking, I'm driving, I always pray to Allah. Never in my life for the past 5 years, I forget to pray about him. I never regret to have him as my brother, he is my good brother. Whatever he had done in the past, it was about ignorance. How could I leave him at the time he is in need. I don't want him to feel ignored. I'm his blood sister, I have to love him as much as I can. That is why, I hate those glass window. I couldn't touch him, I just can see his face, smiling over me, and I did same way. Painful? Whenever that 20 minutes time over, he waved his hand over me and I had to leave the meeting room. I hate those moments. It was so cruel. To some extent, I was thinking of exploding the glass window. I just want to hug him. He is my brother!

12 February 2017
I received a phone call from my father, my brother has been released from prison. I had no reaction. No tears, no expressions. I was shocked how come this soon. Allah has blessed me, He heard all my prayers. He even surprised me. Thank You Ya Allah. Everything happened in my life is all planned by Allah The Almighty. The process to bring my brother home also was a long story. It was not easy to deal with Thailand government authorities. 18 February 2017 my brother safely arrived home in Kelantan. What happened in between before he finally reached home is unexplained. Enough say, that my brother is home now for good. He is 24 this year. Upon him coming back for good, I listened to every experiences he had there. Among the saddest one is when they (prisoners) have to stop eating at 2pm and will never get chance to eat anything after until tomorrow morning. During raining time was even worst because how hungry they are, they have to pray for the night to over, so that day time they can eat. And when comes to food, what you expect to have in prison? So now, he is in the phase of having all nice foods that he had no chance to have for the past 5 years.

Today (22/2/17)  I took him to Aman Central today to get him new clothes and he felt strange to see many people in the mall. Last two days, he went to supermarket to buy something, and suddenly he decided not to buy as he felt that people were looking at him. He is in the process to adapt himself with the external environment. No matter what ever happened to him in the past, I will always support him.

I told him, now people do pose for picture like this. he was awkward though.

**For whatever will happen in future, I trust Allah. Allah has better plan for my brother. I hope it's miracle!


Feb 19, 2017

Weekend in Ipoh; Workshop, Pictures and Cool Cafe

Most of you know that I'm in Ipoh right now, attending a workshop and keep posting pictures every 5 hours. I'm sorry if some of you started to get annoyed with my regular postings. But, please allow me. I have passion towards photography since before. I admire those who snap good pictures and impress every time. I'm not that good, but thank you if you think my pictures are all awesome, cantik and so on. I appreciate that.

Everything that is eye-catching to me, deserve to be posted at my instagram/fb. To some people, it is nothing, but to my view, it is something. That's how I look at things. These two days, I managed to load up few new pictures to my camera roll making it to 4,525. 

I love that painting!

Sometimes, in my space, please allow me for #ootd type of post ya!

I attend the Advanced Quantitative Research Methods by Prof Ramayah (USM) which my main reason is to further strengthen my research knowledge. I know in couple of years later, I will need to supervise postgraduate students (MsC/PhD) and even though I have finished my PhD, there are still some of the important issues that I haven't covered throughout my PhD journey. I'm bad at statistics and its interpretation and I need more knowledge about it. That is the main reason why I attended the workshop.

Among the reasons to attend, she is one in the list.

I think most of the postgraduate students in Malaysia know who is Prof T Ramayah. Don't you?
After the workshop, we went pusing pusing Ipoh. Browsing through the instagram post by #ipohcity and asked few people and thanks to our students, Umirul for guiding us through to cool cafe (Plan B). Actually before Umirul introduced, i remember my friend Erin already mentioned to me to go to Plan B cafe in Ipoh. It is such a cool cafe and most importantly spacious! Yeah when you get into hipster type of cafe nowadays, you will find difficulties to move due to its limited space. But trust me, not in Plan B!

I like the ambience here. It is so relaxing and I'm looking forward this kind of cafe in Perlis. I find it perfect to do work related tasks like marking exam paper, or reading an article while having a sip of coffee perhaps. Problem is, I want someone who can snap my picture doing those!

I'm not a coffee lover after all. I don't mind of not having coffee. I just need to borrow the ambience of the cafe. But if you offer me free coffee, I will say yes, I'm a real coffee lover, buy me one! 

And whenever i visit hipster cafe like this, i will make sure I visit it with my mrs. right friend. Otherwise I'll go home upset for not having any good pictures. Used to be with me is of course, none other than Irwani. She is too toxic you know, in order for me to have good pictures, she will make sure she'll get hers first. I think that's the only reason why she always keep me in her heart, talking good to me. And yep, besties think alike, she will do the same to me (after few times yelling)! I'm very particular when comes to photo. Bad photo deserves trash, not my camera roll!

credit lah untuk kegigihan beliau

and this one too!


Feb 7, 2017

Mommy, is today my birthday? - Aishah

Random talk I had with my little girl this week are all about her birthday. She will celebrating her 5th birthday on 23 February. Last two weeks I let her choose her own birthday cake from Google. She kept eyeing for pink cake with crown on it. Refer picture.

She proposed this one, let see the real one on her birthday party

Since that day, almost everyday she asked me;

"mummy, is today my birthday?"

When I told her, "No, another 3 weeks sha"

She replied and showing her 10 fingers "This many mummy?"

 I think at this age (5 yo), my little girl really know what is birthday party until later tonight I talked to her,  

"Sha, what is the color theme for your party?"

She said "Pink"

I asked her, "Can someone come and wear blue color?"

She replied me "Yes, can. Can wear blue, can wear black, can wear brown".

Hmm, kids are so unpredictable. The theme should be pink yet you can come and wear any colors. Kau rasa?

That's among the beautiful moments I had with my little girl. We sometimes ignored that she has grown up this far. How time flies so fast. We often asked her;

"Sha, you big already. You can go toilet yourself, you can sleep without pampers, you can wash your poops yourself."

She replied me "No, Aishah small jer (showing her tiny hands). I don't want to go toilet myself, papa wash (showing finger to her papa)".

But, in different situation;

Normally on Friday, her school is closed, so we will send her to Akif's school (nursery).

Me: "Sha, you have to go to Akif's school today."
Aishah: "I don't want. School Akif for small jer. Aishah big dah (showing her hands high passing her head).

And suddenly she is no longer small. Confusing isn't?

Among all, she is very good daughter to us. For instance, she is no longer drink Milo, she is no longer get addicted to handphone.


"No, you can't drink Milo, doctor will cut your tummy" she said. This is coming from me because I told her, if she drinks Milo, the doctor will open and cut her tummy. Kalau x, dia akan mintak Milo everyday dalam lunch box dia. So, yes, mommy won!

"Tangan macamana? Tangan macamana? - She will tell her adik (Akif) if Akif takes my handphone for a video. and She will continue "Your hand will be shaking like a zombie! haaaaaaa"

That is because, I showed her the video of 2 years old kids that having an electromagnetic effect out of excessive use of handphone. She get scared after. And Yes, mommy won again!

Be good my sha!



Feb 1, 2017

It is a matter of time - You will do great Aishah!

I give high salute to parents yang anak-anak dah boleh menghafal Al-Quran, hafal semua doa-doa penting dalam hidup seawal umur 3 atau 4 tahun. To be frank, Aishah is yet to achieve that level and we are trying to guide her.

Personally, bila nak mengajar atau mendidik Aishah (particularly because akif is still small for such), I would like to look back on to what I capable of doing at her age last time. I don't want to burden my kids at all.  At least it can be the reason for me not to force Aishah to do something beyond her capability.

I remember, the time I can memorize bacaan doa makan perfectly was at the age of 7, I can read Al-Quran perfectly at the age of 7 as well. I know how to perform prayer perfectly at the age of 9. None as early as age 3 or 4, not even at the age of 5. So, we going to practice the same to Aishah maybe

Either small or big, cepat atau lambat, we will make sure Aishah knows all the important basic things in life. It is just a matter of time, sooner or later, Aishah pun boleh baca doa makan sendiri, bukan sekadar miming seolah-olah dia tahu. 

Same things goes to reading a book. Aishah is still at the process of recognizing the letters. I know that some of my friend's kids can read book themselves at Aishah's age, but like I always believe, no need for rush. It's not about time! 

I remember last time, I can read book perfectly at the age of 8. I was not a good student during my secondary school. I was too "slow/passive" during my childhood times. No one would dare to be friend with me that time I think. No matter how inferior it was, in 2002, I was awarded as SPM Best Achiever (Best Student) at my school. So yeah, it is a matter of time for my kids as well. Why rush? You not going to change the world though!

As for now, what i can be proud of Aishah is her ability to speak English, sometimes better than me! Some will look down on me because of this. Why you care so much about English? You daughter is born as Malaysian, Melayu. Why bother about English? I'm sorry as YES, I'm too much encouraging my kids to be able to converse in English. I don't know why. I'm sorry as I have no reason for that. I don't know why, I just have no idea to explain about it. One obvious reason that I know is, English needs practice. If you don't get used to it, you will be awkward.

I remember when I first registered into International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM), everything was so strange for me. Everything was in English. I chose not to ask the staff (even though it was important for me to ask), just because i saw the notice board stating "please speak English for inquiries". I didn't understand when the Ta'aruf Week 's committee asked me to queue, because I didn't understand what is "queue". I didn't respond when they asked me, is this your blanket?, because I didn't understand what is "blanket". So learning from there, I improved my English at the age of 18 years old (By now, I think My English is not that terrible anymore, after 5 years spending my time at IIUM). Therefore, I don't want my Aishah to be that embarrass when she grown up. I want her to be good and able to talk confidently. Yeah, that is the only reason I think. Forgive me if I'm overact!

In parenting, there is no need to compare your kids with others. Kids are born special and unique! They are an exclusive creature by God!