Daily Click

Feb 22, 2017

5 Tahun 2 Bulan: No more glass window, no more 20 minutes phone call

Finally, the day has come for me to write the entry which I have been waited for so long. To hear the news that my brother is now released from Songkhla Prison, nothing that I can say except no more painful feeling of waiting. 

Januari 2012 
Mendengar perkhabaran yang adik aku (Azra) ditahan polis Thailand kerana menyeberang Sungai Golok tanpa passport dan memiliki pil kuda sebanyak 3 biji bersama kawannya. He was 18 y.o pada masa tersebut. I was pregnant my first baby (Aishah). Nothing that we can do to help my brother released selain daripada pergi melawat dia, beli dan hantar makanan, beli peralatan mandi and all we can do is crying to die, praying to Allah, "Allah, let him out from the prison". And he at that time kept saying that he doesn't want to stay there. I feel him, who want isn't? Bilamasa terjadi kejadian macam tu, mula lah ada yang menangguk di air yang keruh, offering helps, akan cari lawyer untuk kami dan sebagainya. I gave large amount of money to my father to pass to them for the lawyer fees kononnya, and we were cheated and all the money gone. I don't want to story in detail here, sekadar untuk highlight yang kami berusaha untuk bebaskan Azra. Cukup setakat tu yang termampu, kami redha dan kami dalam fasa untuk menenangkan dia pada masa itu. Kami risau will he be okay there? Orang baik ke orang jahat kat dalam tu, orang buli dia ke, orang tumbuk dia ke nanti dan macam2. Because knowing him, dia bukan jenis bergaduh bertumbuk dengan orang. My brother is a nice guy (whatever you want to say, kalau baik kenapa masuk penjara, for me he is nice, he is polite, never fought with anyone in his life). 

February to September 2012
Hukuman dijatuhkan pada kali pertama, dia dikenakan dua pertuduhan (1) Masuk tanpa passport (2) Memiliki dan menyeludup dadah dari negara luar. The sentence was for 25 years in prison. Rayuan dibuat, kali kedua hukuman dijatuhkan, reduced to 12 years 9 months. Ya, lama but like I said, nothing much we can do. Kami dalam fasa menenangkan dan make a promise, will visit him regularly. Masa tu, dia dipenjarakan di Narathiwat, Thailand. Selepas dua tahun di Narathiwat, dia dipindahkan ke Songkhla Prison, Thailand. Pada aku, ada hikmah nya sebab dekat dengan Perlis. I can go and visit him as often as we can. Kalau Narathiwat, jauh sangat dengan kami di Perlis. 

2014 - 2016
Macam selalunya, aku dengan suami (kadang2 bawak Aishah) pergi melawat dia di Songkhla. Dua bulan sekali kami pergi melawat dia. Kadang2 terlebih jugak sampai 3 bulan baru g tengok dia kalau kami terlalu sibuk atau ada masalah lain. Tahun lepas ada jugak aku g tanya kat pejabat penjara tu, date release dia bila, dengan harapan date tu bertukar, jadi cepat ke apa. Tapi still, date yang aku dapat 13 September 2024. Every time visiting him, I will buy him few groceries yang dijual kat dalam tu, dengan tinggalkan some cash untuk dia beli apa2 kat dalam. I hate when talking to him via phone through the glass window, it was so painful, with a very old phone that you can't really hear him speak, and you have to pretend like you know and hear everything he talked. In fact, i wasn't but i don't want to make him feel guilty, i smiled all the way, i listened everything he talked to me. He storied about his friends there, some of them are Malaysian. He storied that people in the prison died because of TB, no proper medication. He used to jog every evening, to allow his body sweat, so that he will not be sick. Was that painful? I hate those moments. My heart cried for the past 5 years, and that was the time i realized that Allah always with me. I prayed in every prayers, "Allah, please release my brother, he was innocent. Enough for him to get some lessons, please let my brother out from the prison". Every second in my life, even when I'm walking, I'm driving, I always pray to Allah. Never in my life for the past 5 years, I forget to pray about him. I never regret to have him as my brother, he is my good brother. Whatever he had done in the past, it was about ignorance. How could I leave him at the time he is in need. I don't want him to feel ignored. I'm his blood sister, I have to love him as much as I can. That is why, I hate those glass window. I couldn't touch him, I just can see his face, smiling over me, and I did same way. Painful? Whenever that 20 minutes time over, he waved his hand over me and I had to leave the meeting room. I hate those moments. It was so cruel. To some extent, I was thinking of exploding the glass window. I just want to hug him. He is my brother!

12 February 2017
I received a phone call from my father, my brother has been released from prison. I had no reaction. No tears, no expressions. I was shocked how come this soon. Allah has blessed me, He heard all my prayers. He even surprised me. Thank You Ya Allah. Everything happened in my life is all planned by Allah The Almighty. The process to bring my brother home also was a long story. It was not easy to deal with Thailand government authorities. 18 February 2017 my brother safely arrived home in Kelantan. What happened in between before he finally reached home is unexplained. Enough say, that my brother is home now for good. He is 24 this year. Upon him coming back for good, I listened to every experiences he had there. Among the saddest one is when they (prisoners) have to stop eating at 2pm and will never get chance to eat anything after until tomorrow morning. During raining time was even worst because how hungry they are, they have to pray for the night to over, so that day time they can eat. And when comes to food, what you expect to have in prison? So now, he is in the phase of having all nice foods that he had no chance to have for the past 5 years.

Today (22/2/17)  I took him to Aman Central today to get him new clothes and he felt strange to see many people in the mall. Last two days, he went to supermarket to buy something, and suddenly he decided not to buy as he felt that people were looking at him. He is in the process to adapt himself with the external environment. No matter what ever happened to him in the past, I will always support him.

I told him, now people do pose for picture like this. he was awkward though.

**For whatever will happen in future, I trust Allah. Allah has better plan for my brother. I hope it's miracle!


Feb 19, 2017

Weekend in Ipoh; Workshop, Pictures and Cool Cafe

Most of you know that I'm in Ipoh right now, attending a workshop and keep posting pictures every 5 hours. I'm sorry if some of you started to get annoyed with my regular postings. But, please allow me. I have passion towards photography since before. I admire those who snap good pictures and impress every time. I'm not that good, but thank you if you think my pictures are all awesome, cantik and so on. I appreciate that.

Everything that is eye-catching to me, deserve to be posted at my instagram/fb. To some people, it is nothing, but to my view, it is something. That's how I look at things. These two days, I managed to load up few new pictures to my camera roll making it to 4,525. 

I love that painting!

Sometimes, in my space, please allow me for #ootd type of post ya!

I attend the Advanced Quantitative Research Methods by Prof Ramayah (USM) which my main reason is to further strengthen my research knowledge. I know in couple of years later, I will need to supervise postgraduate students (MsC/PhD) and even though I have finished my PhD, there are still some of the important issues that I haven't covered throughout my PhD journey. I'm bad at statistics and its interpretation and I need more knowledge about it. That is the main reason why I attended the workshop.

Among the reasons to attend, she is one in the list.

I think most of the postgraduate students in Malaysia know who is Prof T Ramayah. Don't you?
After the workshop, we went pusing pusing Ipoh. Browsing through the instagram post by #ipohcity and asked few people and thanks to our students, Umirul for guiding us through to cool cafe (Plan B). Actually before Umirul introduced, i remember my friend Erin already mentioned to me to go to Plan B cafe in Ipoh. It is such a cool cafe and most importantly spacious! Yeah when you get into hipster type of cafe nowadays, you will find difficulties to move due to its limited space. But trust me, not in Plan B!

I like the ambience here. It is so relaxing and I'm looking forward this kind of cafe in Perlis. I find it perfect to do work related tasks like marking exam paper, or reading an article while having a sip of coffee perhaps. Problem is, I want someone who can snap my picture doing those!

I'm not a coffee lover after all. I don't mind of not having coffee. I just need to borrow the ambience of the cafe. But if you offer me free coffee, I will say yes, I'm a real coffee lover, buy me one! 

And whenever i visit hipster cafe like this, i will make sure I visit it with my mrs. right friend. Otherwise I'll go home upset for not having any good pictures. Used to be with me is of course, none other than Irwani. She is too toxic you know, in order for me to have good pictures, she will make sure she'll get hers first. I think that's the only reason why she always keep me in her heart, talking good to me. And yep, besties think alike, she will do the same to me (after few times yelling)! I'm very particular when comes to photo. Bad photo deserves trash, not my camera roll!

credit lah untuk kegigihan beliau

and this one too!


Feb 7, 2017

Mommy, is today my birthday? - Aishah

Random talk I had with my little girl this week are all about her birthday. She will celebrating her 5th birthday on 23 February. Last two weeks I let her choose her own birthday cake from Google. She kept eyeing for pink cake with crown on it. Refer picture.

She proposed this one, let see the real one on her birthday party

Since that day, almost everyday she asked me;

"mummy, is today my birthday?"

When I told her, "No, another 3 weeks sha"

She replied and showing her 10 fingers "This many mummy?"

 I think at this age (5 yo), my little girl really know what is birthday party until later tonight I talked to her,  

"Sha, what is the color theme for your party?"

She said "Pink"

I asked her, "Can someone come and wear blue color?"

She replied me "Yes, can. Can wear blue, can wear black, can wear brown".

Hmm, kids are so unpredictable. The theme should be pink yet you can come and wear any colors. Kau rasa?

That's among the beautiful moments I had with my little girl. We sometimes ignored that she has grown up this far. How time flies so fast. We often asked her;

"Sha, you big already. You can go toilet yourself, you can sleep without pampers, you can wash your poops yourself."

She replied me "No, Aishah small jer (showing her tiny hands). I don't want to go toilet myself, papa wash (showing finger to her papa)".

But, in different situation;

Normally on Friday, her school is closed, so we will send her to Akif's school (nursery).

Me: "Sha, you have to go to Akif's school today."
Aishah: "I don't want. School Akif for small jer. Aishah big dah (showing her hands high passing her head).

And suddenly she is no longer small. Confusing isn't?

Among all, she is very good daughter to us. For instance, she is no longer drink Milo, she is no longer get addicted to handphone.


"No, you can't drink Milo, doctor will cut your tummy" she said. This is coming from me because I told her, if she drinks Milo, the doctor will open and cut her tummy. Kalau x, dia akan mintak Milo everyday dalam lunch box dia. So, yes, mommy won!

"Tangan macamana? Tangan macamana? - She will tell her adik (Akif) if Akif takes my handphone for a video. and She will continue "Your hand will be shaking like a zombie! haaaaaaa"

That is because, I showed her the video of 2 years old kids that having an electromagnetic effect out of excessive use of handphone. She get scared after. And Yes, mommy won again!

Be good my sha!



Feb 1, 2017

It is a matter of time - You will do great Aishah!

I give high salute to parents yang anak-anak dah boleh menghafal Al-Quran, hafal semua doa-doa penting dalam hidup seawal umur 3 atau 4 tahun. To be frank, Aishah is yet to achieve that level and we are trying to guide her.

Personally, bila nak mengajar atau mendidik Aishah (particularly because akif is still small for such), I would like to look back on to what I capable of doing at her age last time. I don't want to burden my kids at all.  At least it can be the reason for me not to force Aishah to do something beyond her capability.

I remember, the time I can memorize bacaan doa makan perfectly was at the age of 7, I can read Al-Quran perfectly at the age of 7 as well. I know how to perform prayer perfectly at the age of 9. None as early as age 3 or 4, not even at the age of 5. So, we going to practice the same to Aishah maybe

Either small or big, cepat atau lambat, we will make sure Aishah knows all the important basic things in life. It is just a matter of time, sooner or later, Aishah pun boleh baca doa makan sendiri, bukan sekadar miming seolah-olah dia tahu. 

Same things goes to reading a book. Aishah is still at the process of recognizing the letters. I know that some of my friend's kids can read book themselves at Aishah's age, but like I always believe, no need for rush. It's not about time! 

I remember last time, I can read book perfectly at the age of 8. I was not a good student during my secondary school. I was too "slow/passive" during my childhood times. No one would dare to be friend with me that time I think. No matter how inferior it was, in 2002, I was awarded as SPM Best Achiever (Best Student) at my school. So yeah, it is a matter of time for my kids as well. Why rush? You not going to change the world though!

As for now, what i can be proud of Aishah is her ability to speak English, sometimes better than me! Some will look down on me because of this. Why you care so much about English? You daughter is born as Malaysian, Melayu. Why bother about English? I'm sorry as YES, I'm too much encouraging my kids to be able to converse in English. I don't know why. I'm sorry as I have no reason for that. I don't know why, I just have no idea to explain about it. One obvious reason that I know is, English needs practice. If you don't get used to it, you will be awkward.

I remember when I first registered into International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM), everything was so strange for me. Everything was in English. I chose not to ask the staff (even though it was important for me to ask), just because i saw the notice board stating "please speak English for inquiries". I didn't understand when the Ta'aruf Week 's committee asked me to queue, because I didn't understand what is "queue". I didn't respond when they asked me, is this your blanket?, because I didn't understand what is "blanket". So learning from there, I improved my English at the age of 18 years old (By now, I think My English is not that terrible anymore, after 5 years spending my time at IIUM). Therefore, I don't want my Aishah to be that embarrass when she grown up. I want her to be good and able to talk confidently. Yeah, that is the only reason I think. Forgive me if I'm overact!

In parenting, there is no need to compare your kids with others. Kids are born special and unique! They are an exclusive creature by God!